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Over Whelming Guilt or Self Sabotage?



I have been through many life changes recently from selling a business to committing to a part time job, to social relationship adjustments. These changes as well as others have been part of my journey through out my time here.

Yesterday as day 6 came of my take time for me stretch, which was not an easy thing to do, I started to get this overwhelming feeling of guilt. Now I have had this feeling before many times through out my life. Each time I wonder where it is coming from, which creates more guilt. I start thinking what have I done? My sub conscience must realize that I did something to feel this way. Who did I hurt? What did I say? What did I do or not do to justify this feeling?

Now I did take time for me. So was I feeling guilty because I was not getting everything done on my to do list? No, because earlier in the week I sat and did what "had" to get done. So again I went through the thought process of everything I did or did not do, say or did not say.

 Nothing, I could not come up with anything.

As I sat and was doing my journaling  a big light came through,

"Your Self Sabotaging"

 What? Really?

I stopped writing and processed this and yes I could see that. Or at least see how this could lead to it. The Ego started this. Being that in the past I was not as wise to the ego and his tricks I allowed it to take over. At this point in my journey I am able to push aside feelings and process them for realities.

So I did, what benefit did this feeling have?  This is a great question when your dealing with the Ego. Why because it breaks down the barriers. You give the Ego some  positive acknowledgement. That way it lets you in to see the truth.

 So what did it show me? That this was his tool for lowering my vibration. Ya the guilt feeling has been his tool to get me down to the vibration where then I started to attract other negative events, people and situations. Wow, I sat there amazed at the power this has had over me and then started to get pissed! Well for a second because that too is a negative vibration. So I pulled out of that said "Good job", to my ego and closed the door.

Ya sorry you are not controlling me. If I decide to take down time it is for my benefit not yours. Having the power of the truth is very liberating. When ever you are feeling a negative emotion take a step back and see if it has any benefit to you. I am sure you will find one. Though when you pull yourself away you will realize it may not be as good as one as you thought at the time.

Me and my guilt trip allowed me to not move forward in my dreams and desires in the past. I would think no you need to take care of everyone else. It was my job to do for everyone else. This time I thank God for the message of self sabotage. The realization that my job here is to serve and serving others starts with serving myself. I do not have to feel guilty for taking time for me. I can raise myself into a higher vibration and when I do that all the people around me have access to that vibration also.

This guilt feeling that has arisen over my life has always come around for no good reason. I cannot recall when I have had this particular feeling and could relate it conscientiously to an event. Though I do know now that it always lowered my vibration and brought on future negative events. No more.


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